Thursday, May 15, 2008

"totally worth it" things about being a mommy.

This one's for Kelly~

Ok...I'm not one to lie...being a mother is NOT a walk in the park. It's TOUGH, it's ROUGH, they TOTALLY PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE once they make their entrance.

But it's all amazing! I really don't even like saying, "It's totally worth it". The saying just seems like at times having a baby may not be worth it's a mistake. THAT'S NEVER TRUE! You can't guage it like that. You never look back and say...we shouldn't have done this. wasn't worth it to have this kid. You just KNOW that life is so much better with your baby in it. Life without your baby is unthinkable...and if you DO think of want to die.

Being a mommy has made me really realize why I'm here. It made me realize why Justin and I be parents!

The minute I felt Cole move...I was IN LOVE (even before then). I spent 9 months growing this tiny little person...I was taken. The first time I held him was priceless. You can't even begin to explain what makes it so just IS! I mean...a part of YOU made this baby...he's your flesh and's a MIRACLE!

Late at night or early in the morning or anytime when they're brand're tired. But it doesn't can't help but stare at your new baby. Look how he breathes! Look how he eats his yummies...look how he grabs your he looks at you when you talk. He knows you already...WOW!

When I went back to work...I cried and cried ALL DAY LONG. I would RUSH back to daycare during lunch to see & feed him & then RUSH back to pick him up from daycare after school. Just like a girl running to see her boyfriend after he's been gone for a while. Each time my heart would RACE! I STILL do this & he's 15mos old!!!

When he started smiling...Ahhh I could've exploded with happiness & tried tickling him all day to make him do it again...and then laugh. I bawled when I moved him to his own room at 6 weeks (mean old grandma tried it out & he liked it :() I bawled when he slept all night (ok...partly because I was engorged)...but because I missed him. I was HEARTBROKEN when he weaned at 9months. That one was tough...HEARTBROKEN really describes it. Breastfeeding is the most wonderful experience. I still miss it & look forward to it again with this new baby (I hope it's as good of a latcher like Cole).

Now he says mama & HUGS!!! I say, "JUMP INTO MY ARMS" & he RUNS & does it & HUGS my neck so hard. I say, "Give me sugars" & he either kisses me with his mouth WIDE open, or leans his head in to be kissed. When he cries, he says, "mamamamama"...I'm who he wants! When he sees me at daycare he giggles & RUNS to me!

I can see him learning all day...whether its by watering the yard, watching daddy work, watching me work, "reading" a book, or looking at pictures or just PLAYING...he's learning! We sit & read about "tatoos" (tractors) all day long & he's so happy. He loves the mud & cuddling with animals & he LOVES DADDY.

All of this and so much more make it so "worth it". But this isn't even the BEGINNING of why. It just is. It's different for everyone. Even when he's mean & fussy...I never regret having him...I regret I can't make him happier at that moment. He makes me want to have TONS of babies.

And all those worries I wrote about in my other blog....those make me a mom...I welcome those worries...they are sweet & once you have a baby you realize you ALWAYS will worry & WANT to worry. It comes with the territory of being a mommy...the best job in the world.

15-16 week appointment

Had my appointment yesterday (15 weeks 4 days). The little kiddo's heartbead was 153bpm. We saw the nurse practitioner and she always tells us the that was nice! My blood pressure was great (although higher than my normal). Cole was with us and he just STARED down the nurse as she was taking my BP. It was so cute! Other than that...pretty boring! Oh yes...I gained 4.5 lbs this month (blah)...which brings me to 5.5 lbs total. Not bad for 16 weeks prego...but more than I had planned!

I did tell her that for some reason I'm very anxious and worried this pregnancy...maybe because of the bleeding...but it's soooooo much more than with Cole. She said she was the same way with her 2nd. She said she would look at her perfectly healthy & beautiful baby & wonder how God could bless her with another...surely something would be wrong. (it wasn't of course...perfectly healthy)

But that is EXACTLY how I feel. I look at my brother in law & his wife. They lost their first baby, Emily, when she was 1.5mos old. I always wonder...when is it our turn to have that kind of heart ache? Do we have to have something happen to us to make it "equal"? That's HORRIBLE, but I just keep thinking that! The nurse told me it was normal...but it doesn't mean that this baby will have something wrong with it, or that something will happen to Cole. It was comforting to know that I wasn't alone. Justin even said he's wondered that from time to time.

Anyway...our next appointment is June 12th. We get the ultrasound that day!!! Can't wait!!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Being a mother

So...I've been pondering this thought over the past few weeks...

When do you STOP worrying...or not worry about your baby/child all the time?

It starts the MINUTE you get pregnant. Every time I go to the bathroom I expect to see blood. Or I can't WAIT to make it to the 2nd trimester because the risk of miscarriage goes down. Now I can't WAIT for the doctor's visits to hear the heartbeat. What if the baby doesn't move as often as it did? Is it ok? Once I make it to about 28 weeks I feel safe that I can deliver a baby that will live...but will its lungs be ok? What if it has some development problems? get the baby home. Is the circumsision ok? How many wet diapers are they supposed to have? Is he eating enough? He's making jerking this ok? OMG...hesleeps with its eyes open! EEK! He's slept for 4 hours...why? Is that too long? (but please sleep longer...if you're ok)

Then food starts...will he choke or aspirate? Can he chew that puff that dissolves in his mouth? What is too big of a piece of food? Is he allergic?

Now...will he fall? What if he pulls a coffee machine on his head (again?) What are those bug bites? Are they brown recluse spider bites? How will I know?

Today's worry is...He has taken a 3 hour nap with no sign of waking up. Do I check on him & risk waking him up (I AM enjoying this 3 hour break)? What if he put his blankie on his head? Can he breathe? (then the spider bite worry again)

SIGH...then try doing the in-utero worry at the same time as the spider bite worry...NICE BIG WORRIED MOTHER AT ALL TIMES!

Totally worth it though! ;)

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I finally had a JANET day!

Yesterday I had a workshop in Wichita Falls from 1pm-4pm. I went ahead and took the whole day off and Justin told me to take my time. He fixed the schedule so he could be off in time to pick up Cole from daycare. He was so sweet & kept telling me to stay in town as long as I wanted!

Well...the day was "interesting!

Started off with me waking up Cole who was in a GREAT mood! I gave him orange juice and breakfast. Then I went to school to set up my lesson plans for the sub. Cole had fun running up and down the hallways in his pajamas. I decided to double check with the school to make sure they had a substitute for me and the teacher I'm mentoring. NOPE! I spent about an hour getting that straightened out...but FINALLY we did.

THEN...immediately after that...Cole threw up...projectile vomit (orange juice). He had been coughing from I assumed that's what had caused it. He was really in a great mood, so I took him to daycare.

I took a nice long bath & read a history book. Perfect! Then I headed to Wichita Falls. ON the way I stopped at McDonald's to try out the chicken biscuit. It was 10:20. Apparently they stopped serving breakfast 10 minutes early that day! URGHHHH...

I got to Wichita Falls FAMISHED & went straight to my favorite quick stop...Quizno's. BUT, it was raining full speed. After Quiznos I went to target for about an hour & bought a cute summer shirt and an umbrella. I'm so glad I'm prego when loose tops are fashionable!

I then went to the workshop which was nice. After that I went to the mall. I hit up Old Navy & got Cole the CUTEST swim trunks & matching hat. I got myself 2 books and my mom a mother's day present! Then...I went to watch "Made of Honor" all by myself! IT was really cute...predictable...but cute. Definitely glad I didn't take Justin..haha.

After that I went to Ross Dress For Less because I'd heard they always have good deals on maternity clothes. What do you know...I got 2 shirts, one for 6.49 and one for 7.49. I also got a cute dress for 7.49. AWESOME! Will be going back for that!

That's when I decided I was hungry for Samurai of Tokyo Japanese food. MMMM...I got fish with fried rice & 2 extra fried rices to go. YUMMY!!!

All in all it was a nice day. I got home just in time to tell Cole night night. I missed my boys all day...but it was nice to be on my own for a day!