This is hard!!

As you may have noticed, I haven’t been posting as often or putting up pictures.  The truth is…I haven’t even taken pictures in a long time.

Katy and I are having a very hard time with breastfeeding.  This is a COMPLETE shock to me since it was SOOOO easy and WONDERFUL with Cole and Natalie.  I.LOVE.BREASTFEEDING!  I DO NOT love this feeding fiasco that Katy and I are doing right now.  I never understood why women would want to stop or say “My baby isn’t getting enough milk”.  I mean…women are MADE to breast feed!

To be honest, I always thought moms who stopped breastfeeding were selfish.  (I’m sorry…yes…I was a breast nazi)  I never had sore nipples, or cracked ones, or bleeding ones.  It NEVER hurt to breastfeed and my kids gained TONS of weight and were always so happy!  Both slept through the night by 8 weeks too.  We were just happy breastfeeding momma & kid :)  Little did I know that it CAN be hard…your baby doesn’t ALWAYS get what they need from you, no matter HOW HARD you try and are determined.!

Katy started off great….latching on every hour or two and sucking HARD.  Somehow she lost that ability to suck hard.  It could have been the Pacifier given to her by a nurse at the hospital, but most likely it was when she became so sleepy from the Jaundice she got.  Around day 5, I noticed her latch changing and she fell asleep a lot at the breast.  I had to WORK to wake her up.  In hindsight…I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually got down to around 7 lbs.  She started gaining and has done decent, but I’ve noticed her latch continues to get worse.  It’s like she doesn’t have the ability to suck hard enough to draw all the milk out of my breasts.  I would never feel empty.

I talked to a lactation consultant yestserday and she was a great help.  I’ve been pumping after every feeding to up my supply…I will also take the herb “Fenugreek” to help with supply…and I’m adding a nipple shield.  I think she may have a very high pallet.  I have one and now we think this is why my mom was only able to breastfeed me for a few months too. 

Now I can completely empathize with women who “can’t” breastfeed.  It is VERY depressing.  I cry at least part of the day and sometimes all day.  I go from feeling like everything's going to be ok to thinking I’m the most horrible mother in the world.  I think of how easy life would be if I just gave her formula…I could run, sleep at night, not be tied to her all day; to thinking about how I’m missing out on the most beautiful bond a mommy and her baby can have.  (I’m tearing up right now).  Unless you have breastfed a baby and loved it, you have no clue how hard this is.  I feel like a bad mom for not being able to give her what she needs to grow and be happy….and I feel like a bad mom for not giving in and giving her formula.  I also feel like a bad mom to my other kids who are not getting near the attention they deserve.

My new goal was to reach 8 weeks breastfeeding.  I just don’t know if I can do it though.  I’m miserable…stuck in the house all day (because the way she breastfeeds requires me constantly moving her and detaching her and reattaching her to me)…and I’m getting fat.  I lost 20 lbs…still needed to lose 10 lbs.  Now I’m up about 2 lbs. 

I don’t know how to be a mom who doesn’t breastfeed!  It seems like it might be easier and harder.  Easier because its not ONLY me who provides the goods.  Harder because its not as convenient.  “Oh, you’re hungry?  Here”  It’s always there and the right temperature and yummy.  We call them “yummy yummies”.  (here I go crying again…Cole and Natalie loved their yummy yummies.”  I know that moms who formula feed have a strong bond, but I’m SO FREAKING SAD to not have that.  Heck…I’m breastfeeding now and don’t have that bond since its so hard.

To top it all off…I’m not able to enjoy my sweet baby girl.  I just want this stress to go away so I can stare at her and be happy and love on her.  Why does it have to be so hard???????

I’m not giving up until I try the nipple shield…but chances are I will be feeding her breast milk bottles and formula.  SIGH…

One Month Old!!!

Katy Beth is one month old!!  (4 weeks and 3 days)

She weighs a whopping…wait for it…8 lbs 9 oz.  ha!  This girl is determined to stay little!  haha!  Natalie was already over 10 lbs at this point!  Cole…around 11 lbs…ha!  She IS getting longer though!  Her newborn onesies and pants are almost too small.

~Katy is awake for longer periods of time and is starting to follow things with her eyes.

~She smiled at me yesterday :)  It’s that wide mouth smile that babies start off with.  If you hear me making strange noises…its to make her smile

~She has started receiving a bottle of breast milk after most feedings.  She loves it!

Sorry for no pictures…life is kind of crazy now.  I’ll try to take some soon.  For more on the crazy life…see other post :)

Two Weeks Old!

Katy Beth, you are two weeks old!  The time SURE flies!!

What are you up to?

• You sleep really well!  You have yet to wake me up at night!  I try to wake you up every 2.5 hours to eat…but sometimes it turns into 4 hours.  :)  Makes for a happy mommy to get at least one 4 hour stretch per night!
• You like to sleep right next to mommy! 
• For some reason you sleep unswaddled during the day and swaddled at night.
• You love to watch and listen to Bubba and Sister! 
• Your umbilical cord fell off (ahem…got torn off by daddy’s shirt!) last Saturday.  It is still bleeding…eek!
• You HATE having wet diapers!  Chances are, if you start an ANGRY cry…you have a wet diaper.
• So far your favorite baby item to sit in is the bouncy seat (thank you Chisum family!!).  You do NOT like the swings!!
• You don’t mind your baths (still doing sponge baths while the umbilical area is bleeding).
• I pretty much had to cut chocolate out of my diet because it makes you gassy.  BOO!  :)  just kidding!
• You still seem really tiny, but I think you are finally putting on weight…at least I  noticed your thighs getting thicker!  YAY!  You get that from Mommy!!
• You like the cheapest pacifier there is.  We discovered this after buying 3 other more expensive kinds.  Nice :)
• We go threw a 36 pack of newborn diapers every 3 days.  You tend to “stain” the diapers often. 
• I tried off my “sleepy wrap” (like a Moby wrap) and you LOVED it!
• We have gone on 3 walks and you fall right asleep!  You also like to be in your car seat IF the car is moving.  If we stop…you cry.

Mommy of the year award goes to me today!  I woke up and changed Katy’s diaper and realized that it was the last one in our room.  She wet that one immediately and I went to her room to find another…ummm…no more!  I finally found ONE more after she pooped that one!  Having no other choice, I loaded the kids up and we went to United at 8:30 in the morning for diapers!  Our first trip out, just the kids & me.  We did good!  It was nice to have Cole tell me if she was breathing, awake, asleep…etc.  He would say, “She’s fine” or “She’s sleeping”, or “She’s smiling at me!”  haha!  Such a helpful big boy.  (by the way…both big kids have strep throat…so its killing them not to touch her or kiss her.  I’m hoping my breast milk has super strong antibodies to keep Katy safe!) 

Our 2 week appointment is on Monday.  I’m hoping to hear that she has gained weight back up to 8.2!!!  I also am anxious to hear what they say about her sleeping at night.  I think that Cole and Nat were released to sleep as long as they wanted at their two week appointment.  I think she would sleep all night! 

Katy is 1 week old!

Katy Beth, I can’t believe you are one week old!

• You are a very SLEEPY girl!  You could sleep all day if I let you!  (notice I say DAY…you tend to be awake at night.  Last night you slept great though!)
• You suffered through a bout of Jaundice and scared me to death!  Apparantly billiruben levels below 10 are safe.  You were scanned on Monday and you were at a 15.  We re-scanned you on Tuesday and you were at 16.4.  We were told to put you in the sun for 15 min 3x/day.  You LOOOVE basking in the sun :)  Today we had you scanned again and your number was 11!  Dr. Henderson said you will be fine! 
• You looooove to suck on things (especially mommy).  If I could attach you to me all day, you would be the happiest girl on earth.  Unfortunately you like a pacifier…I had to give in because I was starting to be in pain and sooo sleepy because you were TRYING to become one with my breasts!  haha!
• You like to poop after a diaper change…almost every time!
• When you are mad, you let it be known!  Your scream can be blood curdling and ANGRY! 
• Cole is your hero.  I always told everyone that you would know my voice and Cole’s.  Sure enough, if you hear Cole talking, you will turn your head and search for him!
• You are pretty chubby!  Your cheeks are so fully and adorable and your little arms are pretty cute & fat too!  (baby fat cute!)
• Nobody wants to lay you down, so you have spent the past week in everybody’s arms.  Daddy especially wants to be holding you whenever possible!

You are a very loved little girl Katy Beth!!  This week has flown by…I hope I don’t blink and see you as a teenager soon! 

Katy Beth has arrived!

It has been a whirlwind of a week!  Our sweet baby girl is here! 

I was scheduled for a c-section Thursday, 5/26/11 at 7:30am.  I’d been having a hard time sleeping, so i asked the doc on Wednesday if I could take a tylenol PM.  He told me to take TWO so I would be nice and rested.  My family came in that night and I took 2 while talking to my mom & sisters.  I guess I missed the drowsy bit and just kept talking.  I ended up NOT sleeping all night!

We got to the hospital at 5:30 and I had like 5 viles of blood drawn and an IV put in (first try!  yay!).  at around 7:15, they wheeled my bed to the OR and I got my spinal block.  It HURT!  In fact, I later learned that I got a nerve clipped…it’s ok now…just hurt my back for a few days.  The anesthesiiologist was great though!  A good old country boy with a camoflauge hospital cap.  LOVED IT!  Justin and I asked our dear friend and family doctor, Dustin Pratt to assist on the surgery with Dr. Henderson, and their other bicycling buddy Rudy joined the team!  The initial cutting seemed to take forever, but this was because I have a LOT of scar tissue.  It may be an issue if we decide to have more kids.  (good thing we aren’t thinking about that any time soon…or ever!)  FINALLY they got to the uterus and there was a TON of tugging and pulling and then Dustin pushed down on my upper belly.  Dr. Henderson delivered my Katy Beth at 8:04am!  She screamed almost immediately!  Of course I cried with joy!  I got to see her all white & covered with goo…and a head full of dark, dark hair!  Luckily I had no nausea and was able to admire her when they gave her to Justin.  I had to have an umbilical hernia repair, so my surgery lasted a LONG time!  I guess it was about 9am when I finally got to see her and hold her. 

Let me tell you, she came out sucking on anything and everything and she took right to breastfeeding.  We spent about 30 minutes together…just Justin, Katy and I…and then we brought in the rest of the family.  Cole, Natalie, my parents, sisters, and David and Linda were all there.  Cole and Natalie were SUPER excited!  Cole’s smile didn’t leave his face for the first few days!  haha!  Natalie was very happy too!  They wore special “Big Bro” and “Big Sis” shirts that Amy Horton made them…sooo cute! 

We did so great that day that I felt bad for justin just stuck in the room with us…so I told him he could go ride his bike with Dustin & Rudy (haha….sounds funny).  It wasn’t until recently that I realized my hubby left me at the hospital on the DAY our baby was born to go ride 28 miles.  haha! 

It was a great day for us and we are so thankful our Katy Beth is here and safe and beautiful!  God is great and our family is perfect!!

A whole new world!

I just wanted to give a quick story about our new life with Katy Beth!  I will post all about her birth and the first week tomorrow…but this is pretty funny!

Today had been pretty lazy.  I waited to shower until later…and was feeling pretty great!  My sweet friends Amy & Jason Horton were about to be here at any moment to drop off dinner (honestly…this was a great dinner…STEAKS…wow!).  The kids were outside with Justin and the slip & slide and my mom was at the store.  Katy and i were just enjoying time together.  I changed her and as soon as I did, she pooped.  I changed her AGAIN…haha!  We traveled to the living room and she pooped AGAIN!  I sat her down and ran to get a diaper & wipies so I could just change her in the living room.  I changed her and she pooped…before I could close her diaper.  THANK GOD it stayed in the diaper & didn’t go on the carpet (yes…I changed her on the floor for some reason).  ONly problem was, I didn’t have a clean diaper.  I couldn’t pick her up with a gross OPEN poopy diaper.  SO, I ran to the bedroom got ANOTHER diaper.  When I got back she was on her side…but no poop on the floor.  PHEW.  At this moment, Natalie walks in (in her swimsuit) and says, “I need to go Pee Pee!!”  I told her to wait while I finished changing Katy.  Natalie wasn’t too happy.  Next thing I know she says, “I need to go pee pee NOW!”  She reached down, grabbed Katy’s arm and tried to drag her or pick her up or SOMETHING!  I screamed and she dropped her arm.  I made sure that Katy’s shoulder wasn’t dislocated and then started crying and took Nat to the bathroom.  By this point Natalie was crying, “I love Katy”.  We made it through that fine and then I saw Amy & Jason pull up…and Katy pooped AGAIN!!!!!!!  AHHH!!!!!!  haha!  We visited for just a bit and as soon as the Horton’s left, Justin came in with Natalie and I told him the events of the past 20 minutes or so.  At that point Natalie screams from the play room, “I went poo poo!”  Yes, she had pooped in her swimsuit.  She had to poop, that’s why Justin had brought her in.  We got her in her underwear (why even put on more clothes at this point?).  Everyone (except Natalie, Katy and me) went back outside.  I was sitting Katy down in the living room in the bouncy seat (which Nat had to bounce hard a few times) when I heard the front door open.  I look out the front window and see Natalie in her underwear only heading away from our house.  I ran out there and asked where she was going.  “I’m going to Kade’s house”.  Kade is the son of our new neighbors & friends two houses down.  REALLY?  Two year old Natalie, you think you can walk out of my house in your braids and underwear and go visit a BOY!?  I don’t think so!  haha!

 

SIGH!!!!!  Life has changed!!  (I’ll add…Cole was nicely playing slip & slide during all this!)